when I was like 6 i was at church with my family and I asked my mom how much longer until it was over and she said 15 minutes so I counted to 60 fifteen times and it still wasn’t over and that’s why I don’t believe in god
i try not to sound like an asshole but it’s really hard because i am an asshole
It’s mad depressing when u eat the last piece of candy but you didn’t look at the bag and realize it was the last one so you could truly appreciate it for what it was worth
my sexual orientation is straight
summer is real cute until every fuckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell
*straight white guy voice* how is that offensive?
IF SOMEONE IS SCARED OF SPIDERS OR BUGS DONT FUCKING PICK ONE UP AND WALK TOWARDS THEM WITH IT YOU ARENT FUCKING FUNNY YOU’RE A GODDAMN ASSHOLE
Fun party trick: put Skittles and M&M’s in the same bowl, wait for someone to grab a handful.
you can go fuck yourself
my mum did this and didnt tell anyone so when my sister put a bunch in her mouth she spat them out and started crying and now she has trust issues
When an employee at the McDonald’s drive through asks me how I’m doing, I always ask them back, just in case they need someone to talk to because you never know
Those fries could be salted with tears
So you’re the fucker who slows down the drive through
there are two kinds of people